April 24, 201718:38
i finally feel relieved especially that i get to wake up today, feeling much better and pretty much recovered from forever-runny-nose. the weather right now is one that i adore especially when i get to stay at home. it makes me think of countless different things all at once. one moment you are revising and the other moment you dive into the ocean. i feel it all the time. sometimes it can be overwhelming. i honestly think that i have all the responsibilities in the world to take care of myself but at one point or two i have carelessly overlooked and overthought things. i am a firm believer that a stumble or two won't kill me. when i did, it really was a torture and i felt terrible, other time i had gotten past it quite easily. but that's the inconstancy in life. nothing is quite constant, like people. i love remembering how i did not excessively rely on people because i simply do not want to, well i still do. but i get to the point where i am weak and looking down in which it is possible to ask whether it is loneliness in general or simply me at my worst. finally getting the taste of 20-ish, i bet there's more to life other than the mere thought of loneliness in which i define as weak goals and incapacity of understanding myself opposing the way that i should have understood better. sometimes it requires double of our effort to learn the art of being a human. we are solely us. what we decide to think or what we decide to do is as much impactful as thunder during the rain. i pray so that i always find light in every darkness. amen.