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About Me
My Darlings
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a few weeks late draft
July 26, 201523:12

incredible how time passes and the old albums become much older. i managed to recall some memories, uhm, if i am even valid to say this because most of the memories feel like stranger to me. those memories are when i was a baby. i looked at some dusty photos and thought "how tiny you are ezee". seeing all the photos with me being the highlight, a few cousins paying a kiss on my cheek, some relatives and unknown people helping out to make the event merrier. those were the times i couldn't remember who i was but it was all beautiful.

nowadays, scarier.

with advancing technology, everybody is developing into someone else at some points, i repeat, at some points. personally, everyday is a silent battle for me to make peace with myself including other people. let's just see it this way. we're walking on a thin, infinite string. this string resembles our authenticity that wraps up every aspects in our life. by infinite, i mean, there's no certain answer for when we would leave the world and become a transparent spirit.

walking on a thin string, risky, very! there are wind and whispers of some sorts trailing at every corners of our body. by wind, i mean, fears and uncertainties that are prone to blow us out at any possible moments. by whispers, i mean, the voices echoing in our great engines; the brain and the heart.

sometimes the wind blow right at our face and our eyes will twinkle and then we get blurry and there, a possibility to fall off of the thin string. often times, people would say "yeah it's a thin string it's impossible to stay on our feet for too long you're stupid" which in other translation "i cannot do it i cannot do it i seriously cannot do it nor handle it". at the same time, the whispers roll on their action. the voices in our brain become aloud saying "you can give up now it's okay nobody cares anyway" whereas the pumping heart bleeds screaming "honey you cannot stop fighting just yet". to include the art of yin and yang, yes, it's all about balancing each elements involved.

thus when we fail to balance the equation, we know we're (or about) falling off the thin string; that our authenticity is altered as well. when our authenticity is altered, a part of us just seems unusual. from being an immaculate doer, we become rebellious. from being a virgin vegetarian, we become a weird carbonated-drink-important. well, some examples to name lah.

and you should be surprised because the long, humble rambling above is only half of the story. the examples are rather conventional and negative. but don't blame me as a whole because i never did say falling off the thin string is a bad thing (scroll and scan). i never said some changes at our authenticity will bring bad luck all the way through the days. and never did i say, too, regarding the spot we're going to fall upon; it may be a bunch of soft pillows or rose's thorns, yeah we never know. what i do know is falling makes us stronger. we reach the lowest ground and we should actually try to fly again. perhaps due to some unsolicited confusions between both of the engines , some soul may fall and never want to try on their wings again and that's the worst case and the worst case never sounds good after all.

we're born a baby and we don't stay 'baby forever'. our authenticity changes by the time and yes i'm talking 'physical'. maybe we're born solid thinking we're the only winner in the world and such authenticity (ego) in ourselves is meant to be lowered down because we don't always win and we ought to learn to accept that. basically, our authenticity becomes better when we allow ourselves to be better. wise thinking, what's good should be kept and nurtured, otherwise, diminished. 

so, when we fall off the thin string, be positive, adapt. don't think about dying because living is believing dying is a major secret. if our heartbeats are meant to stop, they would. but if we find ourselves tortured by millions of rose's thorns (and the heartbeats still pick up), keep fighting. it's scary (i did say) but we have wings and by wings, i mean, God.