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a practised letter for someone
May 15, 201519:56

dear someone who is indecisive,

i believe that you have your own reasons to decide what you have already decided that night (before i slept) and i still can't believe that you would actually do that, you know, it's january, i think it's a good month (every month is a good month) despite the stressful occasion, i mean, it's NEW YEAR *fshhh piuuu, fshhh piuu (fireworks)*, come. on. and, i think i was pretty exhilarated to even get treated like, all this time i was only a blank space. was i? 

call me naive but i won't start "something" if i am not serious about it, in fact, i was way too ahead; thinking about so many reasons to stay and keep fighting, combining every dots of constellation that i thought, for only we could comprehend. nevertheless, now i doubt. you lead that. you tried to erase something which is very meaningful and you let go, so, very, easily. if i were to beg, is that even making any sense?

i am curious about everything that you have been bottling up in yourself, saying, you can handle it on your own. well there's a thing they call "open up to someone who care, moreover, lover" and if that's not clarified enough then what would be? i wish to lend some words that will mend, perhaps not completely, but you should see what's the effort is all about like, hey, it's not only for my own sake but both of us, really. in the end, you didn't. 

as cold as you are, your decision froze me up for quite sometime. but a pat to my back, i ride my car and learn another route, thus, now you're on the other side and i am not sure if we ever going to cross-path again. i won't cross my finger for that. 

maybe i am still tight with my own opinion because i didn't get a proper explanation for the thing that you decided (i deserve a freaking explanation, not through phone calls), for the thing that you think is best for you (and for me, if you even thought about me) because you see, your mere decision is a pH 7 in my life as a whole. say, if your decision was meant to let me study well (without distractions), hah, of course, i will study, let alone, battle myself up every night, to achieve what i want AND even if you didn't make that decision, i will still fucking study the hell out of me because that's what i'm supposed to do right? so knock your own head, natural. 

despite the madnesses, i will never regret upon the things that we had been through together. all of those happy moments, they raised me up. your cares, supports, advices and small surprises, they tickled me everytime. i don't mean to make enemy, i am just partly lost in confusion and if you still don't get it, you obviously don't.

sincerely,
shadow.

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